every foiled attempt of being a rebel

it doesn't matter what I do, every time I try to be a rebel something always interferes and thus I don't go through with my plan of becoming someone I'm really not. Not that would be my true intention. Something will always find it's way into showing me the worst possible consequence of that action I am thinking of committing. I'm not talking murder or any grave sin like that. Just the simple 'trying to become more independent' form of action. It always goes back to the thought of 'I'm just better off with how the way things are now.'

arguments and resolving issues

so my parents recently were in a huge fight nothing new I know. Something I came to realize that haopens when you live with a person for a long time. My parents have been married for twenty-five years and I know they wouldn't split or get a divorce over a small fight. Last night however was one of the worst fights I've seen them engaged in since I was about four years old. I was more concerned for my sister because no child should have to witness their caregivers arguing that badly. Long story short my parents resolved their differences the next day and all is good between them. Life is back to normal in my household. I just want to keep the paths of communication open when I live with my significant other someday, I don't want to worry that we'll have a major blow out and he'll disappear for a couple days leaving me worrying myself sick. We've already talked about this issue a few times but you never know how things will play out until it occurs.

this snow is ri·dic·u·lous

connecticut has seen about over two feet of snow in the past month alone and it's plain amazing, I've never seen that much in as long I can remember. I know I've told people that we live in New England but even I have gotten to the point of "this has got to stop!" Luckily I'm in college and not in the public school system anymore, cause if I were, I'd be so freaking angry about the days I'd have to make up (like my sister) and she's up to six missed days due to the stupid snow. It's made my mom a snow widow because my father has been gone working overtime plowing it. The town I live in, forget it they do a crappy job as it is. The amount of snow we've been getting has delayed the trash and recycle collecting by a day or more. I just want Spring to come and fast please.

a love/hate paradox of words

I noticed this more when I attended high school and when I talk with the people whom would antagonize me. I often would give them compliments, how does that make sense? I don't believe you resolve fights when you fight fire with fire (in this case, words) because it would grow larger and harder to manage. I was never good at sticking up for myself so I learned to just be polite and hope they feel bad for treating me poorly.

what happened to commitment?

it's sad that relationships don't last in general. I found out that my cousin's 'soon-to-be' ex-husband is divorcing her while she's seven months pregnant with their second child. It really makes me sick how a seemingly healthy relationship can not last. I guess commitment has a shelf-life expectancy. Luckily, there are some loyal people out there and my boyfriend is one of them. He said to me when we were became serious about our feelings and our goals that he's a 'one-woman' kind of man and would never betray my trust. Out of my parents' siblings, my own parents' relationship has lasted the longest and luckily, they are still together. I don't expect my life to be perfect, just to be comfortable and I'm sure my happiness will be enough to make it last.